Seize the Night!!!

Goodbye, Friendster Blogs. Thanks for the time, but I need better features.

My new blog address: http://roninvampire.blogspot.com/

See ya!

Things have not been going well for me this past month. Everything just went tumbling down like a pile of bricks hit head-on by a Chevy Suburban.

I’m usually a very resilient fellow and always found ways to be able to stand up to struggles, but I do have my limits. I mean, c’mon, I don’t think even the most patient person could withstand being jobless with the added "bonus" of parents breathing down one’s neck, looking for any screw-ups as proof of one’s worthlessness.

I’ve been unable to sleep properly for almost a week because of so many things going on in my head. In my desperation to rid myself of those things, I had to force myself to go over the edge and just plain break down. It wasn’t easy; I had to think of everything wrong about my life (there are a lot, but I guess I got so resilient that it’s actually not enough), down to the minutest mistake of leaving the toilet seat up. Finally, after a few hours of self-defamation, I did it. I broke down and slept like a baby.

I woke up later that morning, feeling completely refreshed. I guess I just needed to reach my utmost limit in my emotional pain threshold, so I could actually try and break it. It does make sense, right? Going to the limit and breaking it. And that’s what I’ve been working on ever since this morning. The past few days, I’ve been seeing so many signs that point towards Bushido. I’ve been seeing a lot of Japanese Kanji that meant, Courage, Honor, Honesty, etc., which are actually part of the Seven Virtues of Bushido. I also saw The Last Samurai in one of the cable movie channels and it reminded me about Musashi Miyamoto’s Book of Five Rings eBook that has been lying around my hard drive. Obviously, I read it… again.

Although I’m only half way through the book, I’ve already learned a lot from it and gained a lot of comfort through the wisdom it has given me so far. Yes, it is mostly about combat, strategy and how to wield a sword but one can’t discount the fact that its lessons can be used for everyday life–on how a strong spirit could make a big difference on how we live. I’m not gonna go into a detailed lecture here, so just take my word for it or try reading it yourself.

I am in a phase where I think of myself as a failure for now, but learning more about Bushido is helping me cope with that. At least I’m not someone who gave up even before I started. I know that I am someone who is trying hard to change my situtation.

It’s like I feel how the Samurai of the olden days felt. To be of service to their Lord, they must be ready to fail and die. And they accept that with full pride.

When they die, they die with honor knowing that they never ran away and did everything to serve their Lord. To quote Musashi Miyamoto, "This is the truth: when you sacrifice your life, you must make fullest use of your weaponry. It is false not to do so, and to die with a weapon yet undrawn."