Take the helm, foolish dreamer!
The past two days proved to be an interesting experience because it was such an emotional rollercoaster ride.
Friday morning, I checked out Ace’s Friendster Blog and found myself bursting into tears as I read her entry. It was about my favorite song, Sailing Day by Bump of Chicken. I really loved the song because of it’s message about going on an adventure without worrying about risks. It seemed so exciting and so much fun. But Ace’s entry reminded me why I really loved that song. It was about being a foolish dreamer; creating dreams and believing that they could come true. Something that I am not, something that I used to be before I was shot down by the harshness of reality.
I had a talk with Ace about it, too. And I realized that I was happier back then; 3 years ago, when I dared to dream. During those days when I would just take go out and chase my dream, not thinking about the cost or risk. I miss myself being that way. And I want to get myself back.
I was able to bum a ride with Nick going to school and I talked about it with him, too. He and Ace had the same point-of-view. I was happier back then. And when I asked him about why I was happy back then and why not now, he didn’t know. But he implied that it was for me to find out.
I am now on a quest to find out what made me happy in the past, to help me find what will make me happy in the future. Sounds like a nice adventure; an opportunity for this used-to-be foolish dreamer to set sail once again.
Anyway, when we got to school, we were already late for the seminar/workshop that we were supposed to attend, so I ended up just hanging out in school but it wasn’t a total waste of time. I was able to at least help Jenjen with her column, especially since she’s having a hard time trying to say what she needs to because of all the ‘distractions’. It’s also a good way for me to pass the torch to someone else (I was somewhat an infamous columnist of the school paper) by teaching the younger writers. Jenjen always said that she’s interested in becoming ‘The next BJ David’. Unfortunately, I won’t let that happen because it’ll be better if she defines herself as herself and not live in the darkness of my shadow. She has all the talent and charisma. She is much better than me; she just needs to know it.
After school, I went to Ben’s house where Mikey and I are going to sleepover. A sort-of celebration of our graduation. Carlo tagged along, too. We played videogames all-night and watched Final Fantasy: Advent Children. The movie was explosive and glorious. The battle scenes where pulse-pounding and up-tempo. It was just too grand! After the movie we were all so stunned that we weren’t talking trash while playing Burnout 3 and Burnout Revenge (and we do trash-talk a lot when playing). The movie was so intense that it took us the entire night just get our pulse- and heart-rate to go down.
I got home just yesterday evening. All that has happened the past two days was tantamount to the multitude of emotions that I could experience in a week. I laughed, cried, got excited, got angry… Damn. But it was wonderful. It made me feel alive. It made me feel human. And that’s the feeling I need so I could finally get my sails up to start my Sailing Day.
